Is My Spouse a Narcissist?

Is my spouse a narcissist? It can be a difficult question to answer. When does self-centered cross the line into narcissism? If you are wondering if you might be married to a narcissist, you’re not alone.


Unfortunately, this personality disorder can remain hidden for years before the individual’s true colors shine through. However, if you are married to a narcissist, you need to know. Here are some warning signs that your spouse might be a narcissist.


What is a Narcissist?


Some people are just self-centered, and that doesn’t make them a narcissist. By definition, a narcissist is someone with a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Narcissism is an actual diagnosable disorder to be made by a mental health professional, but we can at least speak about it in a layperson manner.


The following are red flags that you might be dealing with a true narcissist.


Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance


Narcissists want to be acknowledged as superior, without the necessary achievements that go along with that. Such individuals will regularly overestimate their own abilities while devaluing the contributions of others. They will also act surprised when they don’t receive the praise they feel entitled to. They also typically blame others for their problems.


Special or Unique


We are all unique and special in our own way, but narcissistic people believe that they are so particularly special that they can only be understood by people they themselves deem to be special.


Excessive Admiration

Is My Spouse a Narcissist?


Although narcissists often act boastful and arrogant, their self-esteem may be quite fragile. They often focus heavily upon how people perceive them and require excessive amounts of admiration. This is especially true in romantic relationships. As long as you idolize them, they seem wonderful and loving. But assert yourself and you will likely see their true colors.

Sense of Entitlement


Narcissists tend to have an overexaggerated sense of entitlement. They usually think that rules do not apply to them, and this often presents itself as being disrespectful to authority figures and other people who would otherwise merit some level of respect, or at least civility. They are also able to manipulate people into going to extremes to be nice to them, and then they show no appreciation for kindness.


Lack of Empathy


Narcissists are well known for their lack of empathy. They can’t empathize with the pain or struggles of other people. Sometimes, this person might seem like a totally reasonable individual until they say something ridiculously insensitive.




Despite their show of confidence, narcissists are constantly comparing themselves to others, particularly (more) successful people, which can trigger feelings of envy. Along these same lines, if a narcissist does achieve success in their own life, they believe that others are jealous of them, and enjoy that.




Have you even been on a date with someone who ordered the most expensive bottle of wine, acted very charming towards you, but was inexcusable rude to the server? Narcissists often act arrogant or snobbish while complaining about the stupidity of others. They feel superior to these people.




Narcissists may ruminate excessively about gaining power, success, and respect from people they deem powerful. This even plays into how they choose a partner. Research shows that narcissists value physical attractiveness and status over personality traits like compassion or kindness. In a marital or family context, this can manifest itself in a belief that their “trophy” partner should reflect positively on them and elevate their own self-image.




Due to their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy, narcissists will often take advantage of others for their own benefit. This is true in the workplace, in friendships, and romantic relationships. They will manipulate things and take advantage of you, but never offer you the respect or attention that you deserve. They only show up when they want something from you.


Is My Spouse a Narcissist?


If you believe that your spouse is narcissistic and you are contemplating divorce, its is crucial that you choose a divorce attorney with experience handling narcissists. These cases can be more complex and require knowledge and experience to navigate. Contact Cook, Craig, and Francuzenko today to learn more.

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