Divorce is never easy but a Fairfax divorce with a narcissist can be especially traumatic. A narcissist does not like to lose, so you should be prepared for a nasty conflict. Having an experienced attorney will ensure that you have the support and guidance you need. I do want to point out that there is a range of narcissistic qualities, but I will concentrate on those that have serious narcissistic personality disorders.
Filing for Divorce with a Narcissist
What should you expect when you file for divorce? Expect your spouse to fight you every step of the way. In a narcissist’s mind, they don’t make mistakes and they don’t fail. So, the blame for the divorce will placed squarely on you.
Furthermore, a narcissist will use anything they can to protect their ego. You should expect your narcissist spouse to use your children, family, and friends against you, as well as any property and assets. The best thing you can do is hire an experienced divorce attorney.
Mediation
Most attorneys will tell you that you can’t mediate with a narcissist. I find the opposite is true. It is a matter of getting the right retired judge to mediate who understands narcissism. If the narcissist has no respect women, we will pick a male judge.
A good mediator will make sure that the narcissist thinks the terms of the settlement was their idea. However, if your spouse really wants to punish you and has the funds to do so, they will drag the case into litigation and have you in and out of court on a monthly basis. Unfortunately, there are attorneys who are only happy to oblige them.
The problem with taking a narcissist to trial, is that “no judge” is going to tell them what they can or can’t do.
Protecting the Children
A narcissist will do everything they can to win. This means they will not hesitate to use children as pawns in a divorce. This personality disorder means a narcissist puts their own interest above anyone else’s. Narcissists are master manipulators, on top of being charming and charismatic.
They can often fool adults and children into believing what they want. You should expect your narcissistic spouse to try to turn your children against you, since this is a common tactic. If you are awarded custody, you can expect every two years to be back in front of a judge on a modification of custody filed by your ex-spouse.
Tips from a Fairfax Divorce Lawyer for Divorcing a Narcissist
Your attorney will be able to give you a detailed strategy for dealing with your narcissistic spouse but here are some things you can do now to prepare. These include:
Document every encounter.
If possible, communicate with your spouse in writing. Alternatively, keep a log of every telephone conversation and encounter. Include the date, time, subject and who was present for the conversation.
Keep logs of the time you and your spouse spend with your children.
Your spouse will probably boast about how involved they are with the children, even though they miss visitations and important events. Document everything so your attorney can cross-exam your narcissistic spouse during the divorce.
Prepare for a long and expensive divorce.
If your spouse has primary custody, make sure you document ever time you are denied access to your children.
This is vital information if your spouse is attempting to alienate your children.
Create a list of witnesses for your lawyer.
This should also include what each witness knows. Be sure to include any witnesses your spouse might call.
Do not engage in any arguments.
Remaining calm and collected during court is important. Regardless of what your spouse says, leave it to your divorce attorney to defend you.
Get a divorce coach.
This is someone who can help you effectively communicate with your ex. Remember, you can’t change your ex, but you can change how you react to your spouse.
Fairfax Divorce with a Narcissist
Divorcing a narcissistic spouse is not easy but staying in a toxic marriage is no way to live. An experienced divorce attorney can guide you through this difficult process and ensure that your rights are protected. Contact Cook, Craig & Francuzenko today to learn more.
